Monday, April 07, 2014

I want my name shaken, not stirred!

My fictitious Mica Mancada name came from an internet group ten years ago. A group that I'm very connected to this day with people from all over my country and some around this world.  But my real name is Audrey. So, really nice to meet you! Someone in my family liked that amazing woman Audrey Hepburn. Well actually my mother's side liked tons of artists and some of us were named after them. Like my aunt Sofia Loren. Yes! I got one in the family and she always loved her name.

We had tons of fun with our names. Among my mother's sisters there were also: Shirley ( not Temple), Marlene ( not Dietrich) and an uncle named after a president from Brazil.

But only Sofia Loren had a full celebrity name. She was so much into it that every time we got a picture from her she used to stuff her chest and put out her lip, almost like the original one! Sometimes I thought she really believed she was the real chick.

Well one fine day she had a co-worker coming to our town for a business trip. And she calls me saying that we should take him out after work for a dinner and some fun. He was from Rio. I always thought that people from Rio had daily fun in their lives. To me was kinda hard to make a good impression in my little not so little town. But we decided to go out and dance, so we took him to this place called : Number Two.

Right at the entrance the receptionist came to fill out our consumption cards, we need our names marked on it and drink, eat, and dance all night. Easy! I was the first one in line:

Receptionist:  Welcome to Number Two! Your name please?

Me:  Audrey.  A - U - D - R - E - Y

The only thing about my name in Brazil was that every single time I had to spell it, unless I'd fancy be called: Audri, Audrei, Aldre, Audreia or I even been called LAUNDRY!!!!
Then came my aunt with her lips out and her chest up ( never mind push bras back in the 90's, she new it all!).

Sofia Loren:  Sofia Loooooooooooreeeeeeeeeeennnnnnnnn

And her friend very intrigued with the whole situation was next:

Receptionist: Welcome to Number Two! And your name is?

Friend:  Bond, James Bond.

I just froze. How dare he? His name was something that I don't recall anymore but it wasn't James, or anything like it. Plus: He didn't look anything like any Bond guy that ever existed! But then I remembered that I myself never looked anything like Audrey Hepburn and neither my aunt looked like that gorgeous italian lady either! He was truly trying to make fun of us until the conversation with my aunt took place:

Sofia Loren: Oh! I didn't know your name was James Bond!!!!

Friend: My name is not James Bond!

Sofia Loren: But you just ...

Friend: Is your name Sofia Loren? Because if I understand everyone here has a sort of fictitious name!!!! Why Can't I have one?

Ok I was hiding behind somewhere I new what was coming...

Sofia Loren: But my name is Sofia Loren  and my niece's name is Audrey.

Friend: Hepburn? Freaking Hepburn? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Honestly, your parents were so lazy that they couldn't come up with some name other than someone from the show Biz ?

At this time I just want to say to him that I had a HUGE brother called Mike Tyson, he would easily SHAKE and STIR that idiot!
And the whole night ended with that James Bond thing calling me not Audrey but Miss Hepburn. So, I had to have my revenge: I was always smiling and putting some leftovers from other tables inside his drinks/food. Some cigar ashes too. He was so thrilled that he was hanging out with Sofia Loren & Audrey ( now Hepburn) that he never noticed.
I don't know if back in time Sofia Loren and Audrey Hepburn ( the actresses) used to hang out but from then on I thought it wasn't a good combination after all. They had to shine separately their own way!

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